The Ying And Yangs Of Opiates And Gravity (Vol 1)

Since I am trying to update this blog semi-regularly before finishing up The Grittier Side (vol 2.) I decided to throw a couple of pieces up from the first issue for those of you who hadn't purchased, borrowed, stole or read a copy:

The Ying and Yangs of Opiates and Gravity



I was standing at Downtown Crossing getting ready to sip at a cup of Tea I had been steeping since Harvard. (I'm a mutant) I go to take a sip and immediately have a waterfall of Chaider cascading down my chin. Thankfully my shirt and jeans were there to catch it. Thankfully two other people chuckled at me, and thankfully it happened again. Frustrated, I threw the top away and decided to sip with extra caution.

I end up sitting across from a middle aged man in a velour running suit chewing away at a half piece of straw, while rolling his thumbs with 4 inch nails over his knees chatting away to one scatterbrained dame. She looked like she was fighting off sleep like the roots in her teeth were fighting of gravity. "Gimme my money you bitch!" bellowed from halfway down the train. A man holding a small coffee stumbled and shuffled his way up front and almost sat in the laps of a young women and her 2 little girls. This caused her to drag her children away in fear. I was sitting with a cup of tea with no top.

He had the kind of facial hair and general appearance that just makes you say "Guilty" when you see his mugshot in the Boston Herald for stealing bags of shrimp and baby formula.

Surprisingly, he soon after nodded out holding the coffee while his two acquaintances carried on their conversation on what a "degenerate" Billy is. (I never knew junkies to have such sub culture like social echelons. Remember when it was about the music?)

But I was fixated on this guy nodding out. Specifically the "small dunkies regulah" (Outside of Boston its called a "small coffee") he was holding in his bloated palm with blown out fingers cradling it. Id watch the cup tilt and just think "Man, that guy shouldn't have switched to Sanka if he was going to be chasing the dragon all day. You need your energy!" But as it would look like it was about to pour, he'd just pick his head back up and ask for money.

I started to get pissed. I had just steeped my face and clothes in tea 5 minutes prior. And I wasn't on even a little bit of heroin. This guy had a Lowell city block party parading through his veins and he wasn't spilling a drop. I actually thought for a second the MBTA could really do a lot for their image by using something like that for a commercial. What skag head is gonna want to take a mode of transportation that ends up with his coffee in his lap?

He nodded out a couple more times and still every time, not a drop hit the floor. I was so agitated I wanted to run past him and knock it out of his fingertips. When he would snap up he would see the cup on the ground and I could have yelled "What did you think was going to happen! You're nodding out with a cup containing a liquid in your hand! Hot liquid! That's what happens you asshole!"

But that's around the time it got bumpy going to Back Bay Station and as I took a sip of tea it splashed up on me like Jaws on the Orca.

However, on the other vein collapsed hand, I gotta hand it to the good people at Cingular. They really know how to make a phone that withstands multiple nod out drops by junkies. From State St to Jackson this woman dropped her phone 8 times.

Why was she holding it in her hand while she was counting china white sheep? Maybe she was in the middle of a sick game of tetris? Maybe she was sending a text message but just couldn't remember short hand for "nodding out loud"?

I'll tell you who would probably really like to know. The 17 year old school boy who was mortified when she decided to take a rest on his shoulder, mouth wide open with her over sized plastic shopping bag resting in his lap.

I am sorry I laughed at you buddy. But theres just some things you cant learn in school.

I just hope some light hearted paramedic uses the "Can you hear me now" line when he's reviving her on Centre St tonight.